You wanna know why I HATE you sometimes?
It’s because at one point I LOVED you more than most.
I put my trust in you, I invested time in us
and you took that for granted, shifted it to fit your philosophy
and expected me to go along with it.
You call me immature, you call me ungrateful
You dislike how I’ve grown and want me to change into what you envisioned
You play nice only when I play by your rules
and the second I deviate you feel the need to correct my initiative
And to top it all off, I’ve never ONCE gotten a heartfelt apology
that I never had to FORCE out of you.
So to me, it seems that you only do it to appease my anger.
But you never once meant anything you said that I asked for.
So here I am now. Contemplating how to move forwards
When the past is gripping my spine and holding me to the memories
of your iniquities.
Half the time I would just like to live in peace but until I can trust that
you’ve stopped trying to force your mindset onto me or exact vengeance
for my rebellion on me directly or through my closest people
There can only be WAR. Never LOVE.
This is my life. I’ll live it how I see fit, and if you don’t like it
KILL ME. Because that’s all you’ve been doing.
The One You’re About To Lose Forever
(This is an old joint I wrote back in November of 2009…felt like it was time to pull it back out though…)
A mixture of asphalt, coated and polished
by the blood sweat and tears of those that tread upon it
defined by leftover lead shells, blunt ashes and broken bones reduced to dust
shards of shattered dreams like bottles left by addicts and alchoholics
victims of an american dream turned nightmarish pursuit of happyness
thru means of green marked “In God We Trust”
replaced my pops in makin half of the equation of those that raised me
never really ran ‘round the block, except for when I felt like they were chasin me
explanation? referrin to my symbolic step-fathers children
who often made it hard cuz wit moms voice? there was no choice but to listen
so began the punchin and kickin, the cryin and wishin that those hits would someday miss
yet Im glad they landed, cuz if the struggle I lacked, I wouldve never learned basics for manhood
patrolled by crooked cops with a few decent policemen peppered in for good measure
seemingly controlled by gun-wielding puppets with strings pulled unawares as a part of a larger web for a much larger predator
see these days its hard to believe, yet its impossible to make it without faith
because ive been watching the greats, striving for the light in the shadows they create
Ive watched em climb, then seen and felt them fall like King Kong from the top of the Empire State
And cautious Ive become, these questions time and time again i formulate
Lookin back on how far Ive come, yet wonderin how much farther Ive got to go
See these streets got Pac at 25, B.I.G. at 24
Two of the biggest influences next to Coltrane,Stevie,Mozart and Michael on my music
My art, something im somewhat willing to starve for,
but dyin aint somethin im willin to go through with
covered with the unseen footprints of people who to you may only exist as numbers
statistics of everyday trial and error, who thank God for another shot at fallin all over again
stolen from those history tried to treat unmentionable
made on the backs of those once deemed less than acceptable
crafted and maintained by those considered untouchable
wandered upon like undead corpses by those some say are unlovable
are a heavenly blessing and still part of sin’s curse, see I dont know whats worse
Than to grow up out of pain and darkness into a life like a thousand triumphant verses
Or to never understand lifes worth til packed into the back of a hearse
A part of my identity, my history, part of a place i’d be shamed to forget
But the same place I came from, was never the destination for which Im meant
if we’re Americans.
you stupid fucking idiots.
the unrest in Egypt affects us as far as oil prices and politics go.
“Mubarak steps down…..this is the biggest party in Egypt since Moses and the boys left” LMAO
Seems like everyone before us squandered the gift they had.
They turned the world around them into a living hell
that only a free thinker would recognize as itself.
Everything’s set up for them to believe it’s supposed to happen
So why fight back? Why go against the standard?
I can hear the apathy now, the silence of their attitudes
As the ones who went before them try and rouse them to action
Only to find that our sons, daughters, and younger siblings
Were allowed to fall into a comfortable lull of ignorance.
Yep. I can’t help but see the future as a result of what we are now
And weep. Because all we’ve been taught is to assimilate and destroy
Go with the flow or suffer the consequences of anyone else who ever
dared to think different.
You can hold onto hope that the world will fix itself
But until you sit down and repair the damage done to the youth
Or even attempt to rectify the issues in our current age category
I’ll weep,in the hopes that my blood,sweat and tears will
lubricate the gears and get things close to working condition again.
Hildie you know you’re one of my favorite writers. PERIOD.
Please tell me you’re spittin tommorow
Never underestimate your worth. You have no idea, nor can you fathom how precious you are in the eyes of the Lord. The rest of the world may not show it, but God always will. Just look to His Son and look at the price He paid for your heart.